Meg Mansell On Reclaiming 'the Mum Tum'
Plus, raising kind boys in an unkind world, and RIP Mark Darcy (!)
Kia Ora, Capsule Community! Welcome to your Sunday Substack.
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What We’re Thinking About This Week…
Mōrena!
Everyone warned me (Emma) that when you have a baby, you can’t watch the news without seeing some awful story and thinking ‘what if that was my child?’ Well, what they didn’t warn me of is when you have a boy, you also then watch the news and think ‘what if that was my child’ not as the victim, but as… the perpetrator.
Three out of four of the Capsule team have sons and when we were having our post-election depression hui the week before last, we made a joke of ‘do we write a story about how to make sure your son doesn’t become a Trump voter?’
And it was all a light-hearted joke, until the ‘Your body, my choice’ slur went viral in the days after Trump won, where young men were posting that on the social media feeds of young women.
So, then the story kicked into gear, with Sarah Lang canvassing a whole bunch of mothers about how they talk to their sons about consent, feminism, the patriarchy, and women’s rights. The advice is heartfelt, practical and kind – keeping in mind the big hearts of all these lovely boys, who are finding their place in a world that sometimes thinks the worst of them and offers them hard-hearted role models to look up to.
It reminds of a recent celebration day at our daycare, where they did a spring festival and took photos with all the toddlers in a giant, floral frame. My son and his peers – the gentle monsters of toddler land – beamed through these individual portraits, surrounded by the prettiest of flowers. You could see the open awe and delight as the young boys stroked the flower petals gently and enjoyed the beauty of what they were seeing. Long may that gentleness last.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Introducing 'Am I The Only One...' With Meg Mansell On Why We Need To Reclaim The Beauty Of The Mum Tum
Welcome to Am I The Only One with Meg Mansell, our new regular Capsule columnist. Meg is one of our favourite members of the Capsule community, bringing us smart, warm and thoughtful pieces on mental health, body positivity, motherhood and more. In her first Capsule column, she talks about learning to fall in love with her mum tum and shares her process to reclaiming her postpartum body.
If you were to ask me for one piece of proof that the world is completely backwards, I would bring to the table ‘the Mum Tum’. I have actually sat and pondered how I would ever describe this concept to an alien if they flew in from outer space: that those who grow babies are made to feel that they should hate their bodies afterwards.
What do you think their reaction would be? It would surely be total confusion. Because I like to think that I am somewhat of a smart person, so of course in theory it makes total sense to me that a part of the body that grew exponentially larger and tighter over a period of nine months would eventually deflate and look different to how it was before. Obviously. So why do I still hate mine so much?
When I sit and really think about my stomach and how it became the way that it is today, my mind boggles at how I can possibly feel shame about it. But I do! I do. That soft, hanging, stretched-out belly that is so openly hated by society, but that once grew life in it, is something I am still trying to get my head around three years after having my daughter.
‘It Isn’t Just Mobilising The People, It’s Moving The Land:’ Why We March – Three Māmās Share Their Journey To Hīkoi mō te Tiriti
A hīkoi means to march, typically for a long journey, and the three wāhine Capsule has spoken to this week about their participation in this week’s Hīkoi mō te Tiriti have all taken different journeys to arrive at this historic protest. They talk to Capsule about the power of collective protest and why they’re bringing the next generation along with them.
Growing up as a kid of the 80s and 90s, Caren Davis (Ngāpuhi, Te Rarawa) says her initial perceptions of all things hīkoi related were not a positive one. "In my mid 20s I became conscious of the fact that for most of my life I had negatively associated symbols from hīkoi, due to my own internalised bias and racism," she says. “Even the Tino Rangatiratanga flag I associated with people who were out there causing mischief, because that’s what news media showed us repeatedly, and this was reinforced by what was being said around me.”
After finding out she was Māori when she was 10 years old, Caren says her adult life has been a process of rediscovering and embracing her whakapapa.
“I’ve been reconnecting with Māoritanga and also decolonising my own mind.” Part of that process has been bringing her daughter Huia, 10, and her son Matariki, 7, along to hīkoi and protests alongside her. “I’ve consciously chosen to help my kids experience those things for themselves, so they can see what a hīkoi looks like, feels like.”
It can be an important point of difference to how hīkoi are portrayed in the media, she says. “So now, if they both see it on television and it looks different to what they’ve experienced, we get to have a conversation about that.”
Even now, much of the discussion around the historic hīkoi this week focused on disruption, and annoyance, rather than the positive, peaceful atmosphere that is a distinctive part of the hīkoi movement in general.
“Taking part in a hīkoi makes you feel like you’re not helpless or voiceless, and they’re also super uplifting,” Caren says. “We come back from each one feeling so uplifted, our cups are full.”
You’re Telling Me I Now Have To Live In A World Where Mark Darcy Is Dead?
The trailer for Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy, has dropped this week, shocking everyone who didn’t read the book that this time around, Mark Darcy is dead. (The character, that is. Colin Firth is fine!) It feels a bit too much for an already gloomy end of year, argues (an admittedly overreacting) Emma Clifton.
The original Bridget Jones movie is a perfect piece of rom-com mastery: silly, sexy, romantic, with perfectly relatable moments – Bridget alone at the family and friends Christmas event, yet again – and perfect writing: ‘I like you, very much, just as you are.’
Plus, there’s rumpled and naughty Hugh Grant, sexily repressed Colin Firth, her bonkers friends and a surprise cameo from Salman Rushdie. What more could you want?
Like many people, I forgot about the second movie, and then loved the third movie – McDreamy and Colin Firth carrying Bridget-In-Labour to the hospital is slapstick perfection. But now, the Bridget Jones multiverse is being threatened for me. Because in the new trailer, Mark Darcy is dead.
Have we not suffered enough?
Australia Is Banning Kids Under 16 From Social Media. Here’s the Case For & Against it in NZ…
The Australian Government has committed to banning children under 16 from social media, with legislation they aim to have in place before the end of the year. So, should NZ be doing the same? We take a look at the different views on this topic…
We ran a poll on our Instagram page last Friday and 81% of you were in favour of seeing the same legislation brought in here.
“I am terrified of what my 14-year-old might stumble upon,” said one respondent. “I have banned her, but she always finds a way on it.” “Could we make this happen, today?” said another. “I caved and let my 13-year-old join Instagram – on her first (and last) day on it she saw the poor headless Gaza baby”.
Holly Brooker, a Child Safety Advocate at Makes Sense (and also a Capsule 2024 Good B*tch finalist!) says our poll results and the ‘my god, could we just bring it in here’ comments we received are very in line with what the information and research she has at her fingertips. Some of the stories she has been hearing about children’s experiences on social media are enough to give fully grown adults nightmares.
I’ll Have What She’s Having: Our Panel Reviews the Nood Cloudy Skies Dildo
Our most popular series is BACK – I’ll Have What She’s Having, our monthly panel of real, honest sex toy reviews, powered (wink) by our friends at Adulttoymegastore where you will, of course, find the best sex toys in NZ.
We have a brand-new group of diverse, fun and fabulous panellists who are ready and willing to try out some new products and give you their real, honest (and often hilarious) reviews. This month, our gals are experimenting with the Nood Cloudy Skies Dildo – and is back to basics a welcome change, or not quite the vibe (pun intended!).
‘When I opened this dildo out of the box, my immediate reaction was that I wasn’t sure about the bright unrealistic colours. I’m not sure exactly what I had expected from a dildo, but bright blue wasn’t my first thought… but once I overlooked that fact, it clearly does its job!’
Hungry for More?
Here’s what we’ve read and loved this week. Check out some of this week's best stories from the web:
How Gilmore Girls Helped Me Understand My Mother Cup Of Jo
A New Era Dawns: Tech Bros & The News The Guardian
Happy Alison Roman Thanksgiving Video Day To All Who Celebrate YouTube
That’s it from us this week! Thanks for reading - we look forward to catching up with you again next week. In the meantime, if you have any thoughts on any of these posts today (or any others!) feel free to leave a message in the comments and we can have a chat!
Have a good week!
x The Capsule Team: Alice, Emma, Kelly & Sarah
yay meg!!!! this is so cool - this week will be interesting for so many reasons - i’m the loud supporter from the side lines as my braveness is being rebuild from being totally destroyed at the start of this year 💖