Is Celibacy the New Self-Care? Why Women Are Turning Away From Sex
Plus, a case for hopeful optimism as we head into spring.
Kia Ora, Capsule Community! Welcome to your Sunday Substack.
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What We’re Thinking About This Week…
Not to out myself as the mother of a toddler, but the past fortnight have involved a back-to-back case of croup which led swiftly onto a week of gastro, making me (Emma) the worst kind of person to have around - partly for the germs I am no doubt always carrying, and partly because illness stories are SO very dull.
It’s been a rough winter for illnesses, general malaise, bad weather, horrible headlines and an enduring cost-of-living crisis that has meant exclaiming out loud about the price of butter at the supermarket (which makes me feel SO OLD I cannot even tell you).
(But also, am I to endure a $9 block of butter silently? I don’t think so. $9!!!)
But, but, but… does it feel like things might be getting a little better? *touches wood*. There has been some sun, for starters. Some good news on the mortgage rates front. Some extraordinary footage coming out of the Paralympics. A new Māori queen and she’s 27! Good things are possible, and they’re happening! Maybe there is some light at the end of the tunnel?
Sarah Lang has written about having hope that hope really IS making a comeback, as Michelle Obama stated two weeks ago at the DNC. In Sarah’s story, about why joy is so good for us and how to get more of it in our lives, she’s also written a lovely list of little things that can make us feel happier, and it’s a good place to start for wondering how to spend your Sunday:
Lighter evenings while walking home
Seeing my dog spot one of her friends and getting excited
Finishing a craft project
Planning a vacation
Sitting in the sun
Getting out in nature
Fresh produce at the vege market
Birdsong
Flying a kite
Gardening
Little green buds emerging on the deciduous trees
The sunshine that forgot to shine in the kitchen window is now remembering
Have a lovely weekend xx
An Ode To Spring: Why We’re Hopeful That Hope IS Making A Comeback
As Michelle Obama recently said, ‘hope is making a comeback.’ Is joy back in fashion and is hope re-emerging as spring begins?
Joy often begins with hope, which Spring can bring. A Psychology Today article called ‘Why Spring Is the Season of Hope’ says “the healing potential of spring is undeniable, from effecting the remission of Seasonal Affective Disorder to the increased production of Vitamin D”. Research suggests that extended daylight and good weather boosts mood and energy.
Margaret Renkl, a self-described “backyard naturalist” and New York Times columnist, has written about how to reconcile the joy of spring with climate change and invasive species.
“I refuse to quell this joy. It’s possible to understand what invasive species are doing to the woods and still feel the leaping heart of joy in greenness. It’s entirely possible to understand what human beings are doing to the woods – and to one another in this moment of dread and grief and terrible struggle – and still exult in birdsong and tiny blooming flowers peeking out from the dead leaves of autumn. In this troubled world, it would be a crime to snuff out any flicker of happiness that somehow leaps into life. We are creatures built for joy.”
Is Celibacy the New Self-Care? Why Women Across the Generations Are Turning Away From Sex
Are we becoming a sexless society? While it might sound like a wild thought, self-imposed celibacy is now a thing, spearheaded by weary Gen Z’s who are asking ‘what’s the point of sex when so much can go wrong?’ Our guest writer and go-to ambassador for Gen Z Megan Watts shares her thoughts on why celibacy is on the rise.
I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve attended a girls night and been told of my friends’ proud celibacy. “It’s been six months today – cheers to that.” “Ugh sex? Sounds like so much hassle. I’ve been without it for months!” One of my friends even showed me a sobriety style app that she uses, which tracks her progress since cutting herself off from her addiction: boys with commitment issues.
But what does this mean for procreation, evolution and, most importantly, our social lives?
Have we as a generation of girls given up on the frivolity of one night stands and handies in the bathroom? Are we instead prioritising our “self-care” through meditation, reformer pilates and swearing off intimacy? As a Gen Z who hasn’t given up on the old-as-time, messy courting ritual, I investigated.
Sex, while littered with complexities and nuances, is supposed to be positive. It’s not called “a good time” for nothing. But as I enter my mid-twenties, the general taste for one night stands and dalliances has left a sour taste in girls’ mouths.
So, Your Child Is Asking For Their First Phone. When Is A Good Time? When Are They Ready? When Are YOU?
There’s A LOT to think about when considering buying your child their first phone, but thankfully Parenting Place’s Holly Jean Brooker is here to hold our hand through the process. Here, she goes through all you need to consider before taking the plunge…
A blanket ban on phones until your child leaves home is probably unrealistic (but please let us know if you manage to achieve this, and how!). At some point, you and your child will agree – it’s time for a phone. There’s no one-size-fits all here. Readiness will relate to your child’s maturity, their sense of responsibility, maybe even their ability to spell ‘responsibility’ without using predictive text. Before they have their own phone, a young person will ideally have some skills on board for regulating their emotions; they’ll have an understanding of the concept of privileges; they’ll have a proven track record of looking after valuable things.
THE ONE THING… To Add To Your Make-Up Routine As You Get Older
What suited your skin in your 20s and 30s might not be the best make-up choice as you get older. We talk to make-up artist and shade-matching expert Sarika about how to embrace the power of blush to make us look more awake, alive and full of energy.
As you get older and/or more tired, you may think that the number one make-up product you need to be reaching for is concealer for those under-eye shadows. But there’s another product that is designed to make you look alive, awake and like you are the very picture of health.
I’m talking about blusher. As someone who has rosacea, I avoided blusher for the first 38 years of my life but now I know the secret: blusher is the key to looking like you are alive. But so many of us fear blusher, because we don’t want to look like an embarrassed clown, or feel like it doesn’t suit our face shape. So, we thought ‘let’s bring in an expert.’
“When you apply foundation, you lose your natural colouring and blusher is about bringing that colour back, strategically,” says Sarika, a make-up artist and shade-matching expert. “It’s to give that healthy, fresh, flushed look – even if you don’t feel it on the inside, you can look it on the outside.”
In a Surprise to NO ONE Kiwis & Aussies Suck at Flirting – How Do We Get Better?!
In the age of low-energy dating culture, we need to get better at flirting. How do we do it?
Capsule x Bumble
Whether in person or on apps, the lack of flirting ability in Antipodeans (in my case men, but let’s be honest, it’s probably not a gender-specific thing, I know what I was like on dates) is a real issue. Sure, we’re more down-to-earth, more level-headed, more pragmatic than some of our European counterparts but tell me this – what romance movie has ever been built on pragmatism!?
F—king NONE of them. Deep down we want Spanish passion, French flair, Italian cheekiness. God damn it, we want Continental flirting!
Capsule editorial director Emma agrees – fresh from European summer (I know, I know) she couldn’t believe the difference between Kiwi men and their Italian equivalents – and, as she points out with as much emphasis as possible, she was, at all times, holding a BABY.
“Even though I was holding a squawking toddler or with my husband, Italian men have a way of really looking at you that manages to be flirty but never gross,” she says. “It’s an art? Whereas back when I was single in NZ if you ever made *meaningful eye contact * with a man across the bar, they would panic and look away.”
Hungry for More?
Here’s what we’ve read and loved this week. Check out some of this week's best stories from the web:
Welcome to New MILF Cinema Vulture
Why Shortland Street’s first fat storyline is such a big deal The Spinoff
Passive aggressive emails with my baby about bedtime The Grudge Report
That’s it from us this week! Thanks for reading - we look forward to catching up with you again next week. In the meantime, if you have any thoughts on any of these posts today (or any others!) feel free to leave a message in the comments and we can have a chat!
Have a good week!
x The Capsule Team: Alice, Emma, Kelly & Sarah